Never Got To Say I Love You
by Riana Mustang
Summary: AU. Qui-Gon is killed on Naboo, and Layla is regretting the fact that she never got to say she loved him. He appears to her and she decides that she doesn't want to live without him. Mentions of suicide and character death. Slight Qui-GonLayla.


_Never Got To Say I Love You  
  
Authoress: Ryou And Bakura's Princess  
  
Aisling: I'm back with another one!  
  
Yami: Not again.  
  
Aisling: (Ignoring him) Can someone do the disclaimer?  
  
Ryou: (Nods) Aisling-chan doesn't own Star Wars, but anything original belongs to her and her friend.  
  
Yami: Thank Ra she doesn't own it, because she'd just screw it up.  
  
Aisling: Be nice, Yami. Arigato Ryou-chan. (Glomps him) But if George Lucas-san is willing to sell it, I'll gladly buy it from him. And now, on with the fic.  
  
(A/N: This is an Alternate take on Qui-Gon's death, and how that might have gone if Casey and Layla had been with them through the whole mission, knowing nothing of the future because they've lived in the Temple their whole lives, and Qui-Gon died before Layla had the chance to tell him she loved him.)  
  
(Layla's POV)  
_  
I'm so sorry. Sorry I couldn't stop that monster from hurting you. Sorry I never had the chance to tell you how much I love you. Now it's too late.  
  
Tears fall uncontrollably from my haunted honey-colored eyes as I stand here in this chamber, watching the flames surround your lifeless form, once so strong and agile, now being reduced to no more than mere ashes. I'm lost now, lost without you here with me. I should have gotten to you sooner, maybe I could have saved you, could have done anything at all. You saved me when I was alone and had no one to turn to, and I couldn't even repay that act of kindness. Was it just pity you took upon me, or was there perhaps something more there? Something far deeper? Perhaps even love? No, I doubt you loved me, especially when I remember how you looked at Anakin's mother when we were stranded on Tatooine.  
  
I glance down at Anakin for a moment, who seems to be clinging to me, tears streaming down his face. I give him a sad smile and kneel down a bit. I hug the boy and he buries his face in my shoulder, sobbing. I comfort him, sparing a glance at Obi-Wan and Casey. Obi-Wan has his arm around her, both with tears in their eyes as well, and Obi-Wan looking especially devastated. I cannot say that I blame him. He was with you far longer than either Casey, Anakin, or myself were. I had seen you many times in the Temple, and whenever we passed by each other you would always offer me a kind smile and a soft 'hello'. For a while, it was enough just to know that you acknowledged my existence. But as time passed, I found myself falling deeper and deeper in love with you. I longed for you to hold me in your arms and to be a part of you, and that feeling only became stronger when Casey and I moved into the same apartment as you and Obi-Wan. But now I know that can never happen.  
  
I pull away from the child crying in my arms, still keeping my hand on his shoulder to comfort him, and rise to my full height, turning my eyes back to the pyre. The flames have taken you completely and have very nearly died out themselves. I look down at Anakin as the last of the fire dies, leaving behind nothing more than ashes and embers, kneeling down to his height again. He looks at me with the saddest expression in those blue eyes of his, and my heart breaks even more. I see that same gentle compassion in his eyes that was always present in your eyes, and I can't help but think that you left us all too soon, Qui-Gon. I'm suddenly startled out of my reverie by the sound of Anakin's tear-filled voice, and it's then that I realize that the four of us are the only ones left in the funeral chamber now, and Obi-Wan and Casey are also staring at me.  
  
"Layla, are you okay?" Anakin asks quietly.  
  
I nod, even though it's far from the truth. "I'll be okay, Ani. Why don't you go back to the apartment with Casey and Obi-Wan and try to get some rest, okay? You're going to have a busy day ahead of you, little one," I answer.  
  
He nods, and I stand up again, moving away from them, stepping over to the pyre, staring down at the ashes that are all that remain of you now. My hand trembles slightly as I reach out to touch you, or rather, your ashes, and I cry harder, silent tears falling from my eyes and landing upon the platform in front of me. I shut my eyes tightly to hold them back and whisper your name to the darkness, but of course I receive no reply. I barely notice the others leave, but the moment they do, I fall to the ground on my knees, my hands flat beneath me to brace myself from collapsing completely in my grief. A shrill, mournful cry bursts forth from me, echoing through the night, and I sob loudly now, screaming the pain of losing you to the very stars themselves as another part of my very spirit dies like it did when I felt you slip away before I could get to you.  
  
"Why did you leave me? Why? I never even got say good-bye. I didn't even get to tell you I love you."  
  
Suddenly I feel a small-ish hand fall upon my shoulder and I let out a soft gasp, my body tensing. I hurriedly wipe away my tears and glance behind me, only to find Master Yoda standing there with a sad look of compassion on his face. His eyes seem even older and more tired than they did only a few days ago. I turn around to face his direction, my eyes focused on the floor. That look on his face is more than I can bear.  
  
"M..Master Yoda. How long have you been standing here?" I ask quietly before falling silent again.  
  
"Long enough. Miss him, I do as well, young one," Yoda says, breaking the silence that has fallen down in the air between us. "But I sense something more within you. Love him, you did."  
  
I gasp softly, looking up at Yoda in shock. How could he have known that? I kept it secret from everyone, even Casey. I buried my love for you deep down in my soul where I was sure that no one would ever know about it. But Yoda has managed to somehow see through all of my barriers and bring my most precious secret to the surface. I think for just a brief moment to deny it, wanting only to keep that part of my heart to myself, never to be revealed. But I know that it would do me absolutely no good at all to lie to him, for he would be able to see through it, so I nod, glancing back at the platform again, lightly touching your ashes, gently running my hand through them as I would never have dared to touch you when you were still alive. Then I glance back at Yoda, a pleading look on my face.  
  
"Please, Master Yoda. Don't tell anyone else of this. I kept it to myself while he was alive, because I knew he would never love me, and I feel really guilty about it. I don't want anyone to pity me because of how pathetic I am," I whisper, and he must see the pleading in my eyes, for he nods solemnly in agreement.  
  
"Very well, tell any others about this, I will not. Your secret, it shall remain. But know this, you should, young Layla. Loved you as well, Qui-Gon did," Yoda says before he turns and starts to walk away.  
  
My eyes widen considerably as his words finally sink into the grief-stricken fog that my mind has become. I look over at the platform, then back at Yoda, who is waiting in the doorway with his back turned to me. It seems as though he is waiting for me to speak again, but I have the feeling he knows what I am about to ask him.  
  
"Master Yoda, wait."  
  
"Yes?" Yoda says, turning back to face me.  
  
I hesitate for only a moment before I speak again. "How...how do you know...?"  
  
"That loved you as well, Qui-Gon did? Told me himself, he did, but requested I keep it to myself," Yoda answers simply.  
  
With that, he turns and walks away. I watch him leave, lingering in the room just a few minutes longer. A breeze blows through, pulling at my crimson hair, and I close my eyes. It seems as if I can still feel your presence here, but I know it is only my imagination. You're gone forever, and my mind realizes it, but I can't seem to make my heart realize that. A part of me died with you, and I can't help but think that it should have been me that took the blow from Maul's lightsaber instead of you. At least you'd still be alive. Obi-Wan and Anakin need you far more than they need me. I'll only be in everyone's way.  
  
Sparing one last glance at the darkened sky, I stand up, steadying myself on the platform, as my legs are incredibly shaky right now. I take a small dagger from my belt and push the rest of my hair aside, grabbing my braid that would have been cut in a few days anyway had my own Master still have been alive. My hand trembles more as I lift the dagger to the top part of it, and with a quick movement, the blade slices through the strands and the reddish-gold braid comes off in my hand. I clutch it tightly, holding it to my heart for a moment, then kiss it before placing it down on your ashes. Then I move my hair back over the spot where it was so no one will notice that it's gone, and turn and walk away, heading back towards the apartment.  
  
Casey tries to get me to talk to her when I come in, but I merely offer a sad smile and head upstairs to the room that you and I used to share, closing the door behind me. I move over to the bed and collapse, hiding my face in the pillow, and tears stream down my face again. After a few minutes, I lift my head, and my gaze falls upon a picture of the two of us together that was taken just after Casey and I moved in to the apartment with you and Obi-Wan. You had your arms around me from behind, and I had my head on your chest, smiling up at you. I've always loved that picture. I sit up and grab the photo from where it sits on the nightstand and hold it to my heart, and it's at that moment that I notice a soft blue glow out of the corner of my eye. I gasp and turn around, and am shocked to see you standing there. I get up and run to you, trying to embrace you, but I only pass right through you. Tears fall from my eyes as I turn back around, and I fall to my knees, shaking my head as I look up at you.  
  
"No, it's not fair. I thought I'd never see you again, and now that I can....I can't even touch you," I whisper, devastated.  
  
You only give me one of your gentle smiles and move to my side, touching my shoulder, though I can't feel it. You kneel down in front of me, your sapphire blue eyes staring into mine. Your hand moves from my shoulder to my cheek, and even though I know I won't be able to touch you, I reach up and place my hand over yours, shutting my eyes tightly to try to stop my tears from flowing, but it's to no avail.  
  
"I've missed you," I whisper softly, my voice a little shaky.  
  
"And I've missed you, my angel," you reply, and the nickname of 'angel' catches me off guard.  
  
"Please, don't leave me again. I...I love you," I say, suddenly finding the hem of my robe extremely interesting.  
  
"I love you too, Layla. But you know I can't stay."  
  
I look up at you then, my eyes sad. "I'm sorry I wasn't able to help you, Qui-Gon. I should have moved quicker, I know I could have stopped that horned freak from hurting you...." I trail off, unable to finish what I was saying.  
  
"I don't blame you, Layla. None of this was your fault," you tell me quietly, before looking off into the distance. "I can't stay any longer, my love. I'm sorry."  
  
I shake my head as you let your hand fall away from my cheek and stand up. "No, please. Don't leave me here alone, please. I don't want to lose you again," I reply softly.  
  
"You won't lose me, I'll always be with you, love. And we'll see each other again, I promise."  
  
I nod, almost sobbing now, and watch as you slowly start to fade away. After only a moment or two, you disappear completely, leaving me there alone in the darkness of our room. I let out a broken sob, very nearly blinded by my tears now. I stand up and walk over to the window, staring up at the stars for a long time, but not even that brings me solace now. Nothing does, and I know what I have to do. I step back from the window and unclip my lightsaber from my belt. I turn it on, the magenta glow coming from the blade casting eerie shadows across my face, but I can't bring myself to care. I hesitate for just a moment, wondering if I should really do this, but then I make up my mind, tears flowing faster now.  
  
"Casey, Obi-Wan, Anakin, please, forgive me. I'm sorry," I whisper, and with that, drive the blade of my lightsaber into my heart, falling to the floor, trying not to cry out in pain. The last thing I'm aware of is the door to the room slamming open and frantic voices around me, but I can't make out what they're saying. Then my eyes close as my spirit flees from my body, and I smile sadly as I leave to join my true love in the spirit realm of the Force.  
  
_Owari  
  
Well, there you go. This is an alternate story line type of thing to one of my Star Wars fanfic series with my character Layla, kind of an alternate ending to New Beginnings in a way. Please R&R, and no flames, please. Well, I'm gonna go for now. Ja ne, minna-san!  
  
Ryou and Bakura's Princess_


End file.
